Time
Those of you that know me are probably laughing thinking, “Jess and time… does she even know what time is?” I’m always late and it’s something I’ve really been working on the last few years. Jay Shetty had this really wonderful video that I identify with. He’s talking about his wife and how he used to always get upset with her because she was late and it would ruin their whole evening. But he’s learned that what he loves most about his wife is her spontaneity and the not so great side of it is poor time management skills. I feel seen.
Time has been coming up and reminding me of its presence in a number of ways recently. I’m getting ready to go back to the burn after a couple year hiatus (let me know if you’ll be out there!) and in my head it’s only been 1 maybe 2 years tops since I’ve been to that magical, soul expanding, unconditional loving home but in reality it’s been 4 years. Wow. Another way time has come up is in our favorite iPhone feature where a photo pops up and it reminds you of great but sometimes not so great memories from years before. I completed my YTT about a year ago(!) but also had a really tumultuous day where my trust felt exploited (thanks apple for triggering my sympathetic nervous system). I then found myself going through my photos of the past year and wow so much has been seen, done, and sat with. Looking through each photo brought me right back to those moments and feelings I was having.
I had a really great call with a friend recently where she said something super insightful. It was this: “Some years bring up questions. Some years give you answers.” Or another way to put it “Some years you have to tear it all down (your life). Other years you build it back up.”
We all hear it but I fully subscribe that our most valuable asset is time. It’s why I’ve spent the last year, as my friend Kendra likes to say, in early retirement. But to go a level further than just “I don’t want to work so I can have free time” and to the deeper question of “If I could spend my time any way that I choose, how would I spend it?” I know we have all been asked that question but have you really sat with it and thought about it? If there is one thing that I have learned from family stuff the last year is we don’t have a lot of time on this planet. It’s short as hell in the grand scheme of things and we give way too many shits thinking about how others expect us to spend it and not asking ourselves how we are and want to be spending it.
Mark Manson, if you haven’t read his work I HIGHLY recommend, has some really great kick you in your face and make you think writing on it. “One day you and everyone you love will die. And beyond a small group of people for an extremely brief period of time, little of what you say or do will ever matter. This is the uncomfortable truth of life. And everything you think or do is but an elaborate avoidance of it. We are inconsequential cosmic dust, bumping and milling about on a tiny blue speck. We imagine our importance. We invent our purpose. We are nothing.”
Hard to hear but he’s got a point. In some way I was trying to find my answer to that question this last year and I think I’ve got it, at least my opinion of it. It should be spent with people you love, doing the things you love, and getting to know and love yourself. It’s a very simplified version but I think everything can be tied back to those truths. Maybe right now you are working really hard in your job so you can make money to then spend on a trip with your family = spending time with people you love. We all may not be doing it the most effective or efficient way but I think it’s what we all are trying to do or at least should be doing.
I think part of the reason why time is such a strong force for me this past year is that I (unintentionally) stopped waiting and started doing the hard stuff. Our time is so limited and so precious, you’re never going to be ready to try the new thing, see the new place, have the tough conversation, let the people you love know you love them, or sit in and deal with your shit. I was definitely not ready and to be honest I think the other times in my life where I have waited until “I am ready” was me trying to control life on some level. Which is silly, life isn’t meant to be controlled and the beauty of it is leaning fully into the unknown. It’s going to be messy, you’re definitely going to mess up, you probably will get hurt, but that’s really the only way to take advantage of our limited time here on this beautiful blue dot we call home.
My new personal goal is that each time I look back in my phone to scroll through the last year of photos that I see me living those truths. I spent time with the people I love, I told and showed those people I love them, I did the things I love, I surprised myself, and fell even more in love with me.
So my invitation to you is, how are you spending your time?
